As the postseason soldiers on, the eliminated teams are facing an offseason filled with golf rounds and hot-stove strategery.
But we're not going to let them get off that easy. No sir. No way. In an attempt to bring some closure between franchise and follower, we're giving a blogger from each team the opportunity to detain their squads for the equivalent of a Saturday morning detention stay.
Up next in our series is one of our best blogging buds, Meech of The Fightins'. He likes when he sees this guy moving around Philly in a motorized wheelchair in October. But this guy? Not so much.
Well looky who we have here!
If it ain't the mighty 2011 Philadelphia Phillies.
You know why you're here, right? Because once the playoffs start, fellas, nobody gives a damn how many games you won during the regular season. And if you allow a streaking St. Louis Cardinals team into the playoffs just to hold you scoreless at home for nine innings in the deciding game of a short series, well then you deserve to be eliminated. That dominant reputation of yours can only get you so far.
Hold on ? are we missing someone?
[looks around]
"We were running to class and he dropped to the ground clutching his ankle. We all heard a 'pop' so I guess he's back in the hallway somewhere writhing in pain."
Wait a second ... your classmate dropped to the ground clutching his ankle and nobody even bothered to stop and see how he was or help him to the classroom??
"Nope."
No wonder you mopes got knocked out in the first round.
Grab a seat, knuckleheads. It's about time you get a stern talking-to.
(Except you, Roy Halladay. You're free to go begin your offseason training regimen.)
The punishable offenses: First off, you guys are too jumpy. At-bats aren't a cot damn race to see who can get back to the dugout the fastest. Try working a pitcher every once in a while. For chrissakes you put up a quick two-spot with nobody out in the first against Edwin Jackson and let him hang around for another five innings with no more damage.
Here, let me write this on the blackboard: GOOD TEAMS FINISH EDWIN JACKSON.
And just so you know I'm not just frivolously tossing out accusations without the hard evidence to back it up, chew on this: During the regular season, you guys were right around the league average (3.81) of pitches seen per at-bat with 3.80. Not too shabby, but nothing extraordinary either. In the playoffs? That number dropped down to a paltry 2.87. And if you see one less pitch per at-bat than you normally do, it lessons your chance of getting that "good" pitch or hit or ? god forbid ? a WALK. Not only that, but when you're impatient you also allow pitchers to hang around longer than you should. Pitchers like, I dunno ... EDWIN JACKSON.
You all seem like relatively intelligent gentleman, do you understand what I'm saying here?
"Sorta."
Now, does anyone in the room have any explanation as to why youse were so over-anxious up there?
"No idea."
Ugh. There are no drinks allowed in detention, Hunter, but thanks for showing up.
The simple fact, fellas, is that you look like a team that just broke down. Like you lacked that extra focus you need in the postseason to bear down and make a pitcher work to get you out. It was almost as if you thought your pitchers were so good that you could score a few runs by accident and cruise to the NLCS.
Now look at ya. Disgraziato.
Partners in crime: Of course, things didn't have to end like that. If you would have started, say, Kyle Kendrick one of those games against the Braves and let them win...
"Hey, I resent that!"
... no offense, Kyle, I was just using you as an example to make my point. Anyway, as I was saying, if you didn't sweep the Braves to close out the year, there woulda been *at the very least* a one game playoff between them and the Cardinals. Then who knows what happens?
"Yeah, but is it really a bad thing to go into the playoffs on a three-game winning streak where you also knock your division rivals out of the playoffs?"
You're here, listening to me berate you, and the Cardinals are headed back to St. Louis tied one game apiece in the NLCS against the Milwaukee Brewers SO YOU TELL ME.
Something to build on: The good news is that most of the core nucleus of players that make the Phillies contenders each year should be returning in 2012. I'm sure any baseball team would feel honored to set a franchise record for wins in a season and make the playoffs. Unfortunately, you're in a position now that the fans out there expect greatness. They packed the stands for the last 200-some-odd games at Citizens Bank Park in hopes that you would feed off their energy and repeat the outcome of the 2008 season. Ten years from now you don't wanna be known as the latter day version of the 90's Braves; with a ton of division crowns and only one World Series banner to show for it.
Well, if you don't shape up soon, Phillies, that's where your legacy is headed.
Shape up or ship out: Before you know it, fellas, Spring training 2012 will be here and most fans will have had enough time to get over the disappointment of this October. But check this out: In '08, you guys were the world champions of baseball.
"World ****ING Champions, teach."
Thanks, Chase, I apologize.
Then in '09 you lost the World Series. Last year, your bats failed in the NLCS against the eventual champion Giants, and now this year you got eliminated in the NLDS. If this trend continues, you won't even make the playoffs next year and you'll have your entire October free to do whatever it is that losing teams do.
"That's not really a trend it's more of an occurrence."
No, Shane, it's a trend.
And like most things trendy, you will be out of fashion if you come back with this same sloppy crap next year.
Got it, boys? DISMISSED.
Principal Meech
The Fightins'
@meechone
Read more of Big League Stew's Detention Lecture series here
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